Happy New Year!! I always find myself making unrealistic New Year's resolutions, which results in me feeling defeated when I don't accomplish them. This year I really took time to reflect on what I need to work on in my life, and picked things that are doable. I'm really happy with the list I came up with and hope that by making these changes 2018 will be a year of bliss and growth. 
1. Eat healthier.
This summer I ate extremely healthy and I felt and looked amazing, I want to get back to that! Instead of making my goal an unrealistic amount of weight loss, switching it to eating healthier is less daunting and assures I won't feel bad about myself if I don't lose x amount of weight even if I have been eating healthy. My plan for this is to go back to the 80%, 20% rule I followed this summer. 80% of the week I eat healthy, real, non-processed foods, and the remaining 20% (the weekends) are cheat days where I can indulge a little!
2. Daily yoga practice.
​This is something I've been working on through my yoga teacher training and I really want it to become a habit in 2018. Whether it is asana, spiritual, chanting, or just not cussing out the person who cut me off on my way to yoga, my goal is to practice some form of yoga every day. 
3. Go to the gym more.
And by more, I mean I need to start actually going. This year instead of setting myself up for failure by saying I'll go a certain amount of days, I used the phrase "more" because if I do more than I've been doing that is already a success. I'm telling myself to start with once a week and see where it takes me!
4. Stop saying "I can't"
I found myself saying "I can't" a lot this past year and I'm ready to eliminate it from my vocabulary. Instead of saying "I can't" my goal is to figure out first, where it's coming from, what is making me believe I cannot do it? And then second, to find a solution and work through whatever I need to in order to turn "I can't" in to "I can."
5. Create healthy boundaries.
I have literally zero boundaries in my life right now and it has got to change because it is causing me too much harm. My reminder to myself to accomplish this goal is: it's not mean. Creating healthy boundaries with people is so important and you can still be a good person and friend without allowing someone to hinder your own well-being. 
6. Write daily.
Journal, blog, poetry, personal essay, literally anything, just write every damn day. 
7. Go on one adventure a week.
Exploring new places brings me so much joy so I'm making it a goal to have a little adventure for myself once a week to keep me sane. My favorite form of adventuring it spending time outside, so I'm hoping for lots of new outdoor adventures in 2018!
8. Spend time alone.
Not too much, but a healthy amount in order to decompress and spend time with myself. One of my favorite things to do is to put on a face mask, put on my essential oil diffuser, climb into bed, and watch one of my favorite funny TV shows. I got so much out of spending more time alone this past year and I'm excited for more of it this year.
9. Drink less beer.
I've honestly been doing this anyway, I don't remember the last beer I drank, but since I'm 21 now I wanted to make it a resolution so I'd be sure to stick to it. I didn't make it "drink no beer" because I don't like ultimatums, so my goal is to avoid drinking beer but one every once in a while is okay!
10. Express emotions more.
If you know me, you know that I literally hate talking about my feelings and am horrible at expressing emotions, so what better time to work on it than in the New Year!? I intend to work on this by not being afraid to tell people how I feel. Small things like admitting when I'm not okay, or telling someone I love them are things that are really hard for me, but I intend to work on this year.
11. Eliminate unhealthy habits.
My goal is to eliminate the unhealthy habits I have and to find healthy replacements for them. It's hard to break bad habits, but hopefully by finding positive replacements it will be easier.
12. Get something published. 
I really want to pursue this whole writer thing, and in order to do that I need to conquer my fear of submitting my work for publication. Since I'm going to be writing every day, I'm pushing myself to work on some pieces I really love, and submit them until hopefully someone publishes it. 
13. Spend time with genuine people.
I've been blessed with some pretty awesome people in my life, and this year I want to make sure I spend as much time as possible with people who make me glad to be alive.
14. Get good grades.
This one is mainly aimed at that frightening math class on my schedule for next semester.
15. Stop being mean to yourself.
All my negative self talk as got to go, there is no room for it in 2018.  I often ask myself if I would talk to a friend the way I talk to myself, and the answer is always no, so therefore I am no longer allowing myself to talk to myself so harshly. 
16. Try something new. 
There is so much potential for this one! Whether it's trying a new food, visiting a new place, acquiring a new hobby, I want to experience as much as possible this year. 2018 is the year I start being more daring.
17. Pursue photography.
I really want to start pursuing my photography career this year. I intend to take as many photos as possible and really advertise myself to try to book photoshoots. Another idea I want to explore is getting prints of my work to sell! I realized if this is something I truly want to do, I have to go for it 100%.
18. Make new friends.
I honestly just love meeting new people and all of the times I put myself out there this past year to make new friends I was rewarding with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I'm looking forward to hopefully making some new, lasting, friendships this year.
19. Read two books a month.
This is my only resolution that is a little specific, but that's because I really need a kick in the butt to get back into reading, I miss it SO much. I have a whole stack of books on my shelf just waiting for me to read them, and two a month is very doable!
20. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I have never been the type to ask for help, but recently I've found that when I do ask, from the right people, it is incredibly rewarding. No one can do it all by themselves. I may need a little help getting through the next year and I'm not going to be ashamed if I have to ask for help.
21. Do what makes you happy.
I want to fill 2018 with the places, people, and experiences that are good for my soul. I want to spend less time doing things that don't make my heart happy and replace them with things that do. I intend to make 2018 the year where I am 100% myself unapologetically and I live my life in a way that serves me, even if other people don't understand or like it. I look forward to filling these 365 blank pages with one hell of a story. 

What are your New Year's resolutions?

Love Always,
Olivia Jane

2017 is about to come to a close, and I don't think I'm alone when I say I am not sad to see it go. Tonight at midnight people will pop champagne and clink glasses to the bright promise of 2018. 2017 was a tough year, of course it had it's moments, but for our society, and on personal levels, it seemed to be a year full of challenges. 2018 is a clean slate, a fresh start, a chance to leave everything that happened in 2017 behind and start a new. It's time to close the book that was 2017 and begin to write on the new, crisp, pages of the next book that is 2018. But before the new year begins, I feel as though I have to say goodbye to everything that was 2017. In order to make the most out of the new year you have to let go of last years baggage. There are some things that should be left in 2017. 2018 is a new beginning, so leave behind anything that no longer serves you.

Say goodbye to unhealthy habits.
We all have ways of coping that aren't the best for us, let's make 2018 the year we break these unhealthy habits. Life can get hard sometimes, but harming yourself physically or mentally is not the answer. Stop starving yourself, stop biting your nails, stop the self deprecating thoughts, stop pinching your stomach, stop saying mean things to yourself, stop physically hurting yourself, just stop harming your health. Go to bed earlier, get some fresh air, do some yoga, fill your body with nutrients, compliment yourself, take care of yourself. We only have this one life and this one body, I think it's time we start to build ourselves up instead of tearing ourselves down. It isn't easy, it's hard to get out of whatever cycle we've put ourselves in, but it's possible and beyond worth it. If we spent as much time loving ourselves as we did hurting ourselves, think about where we would be. Make 2018 the year you ditch those unhealthy habits.

Say goodbye to the pain of last year.
Pain is inevitable, but there is no reason to bring last years pain into 2018. Whatever struggles you faced, heartbreak you felt, suffering you went through, take the lessons you learned and the strength you've gained, but leave all of that pain behind you. While the hardships we have faced have changed us or shaped us in some ways, the pain and negativity they brought to our lives deserves to be left in 2017. The new year is a chance to let go of the pain and sadness you've endured over the past year and make room for better things in 2018. Realistically, 2018 is going to bring it's own challenges, so why let old baggage make things harder? Stop holding onto things that make you sad or bitter, what's the point of that? Let it all go, you deserve a fresh start and a year filled with happiness.

Say goodbye to grudges.
One of my high school teachers told me, "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die," and it has resonated with me ever since. The only person holding on to anger and grudges is hurting is you, so leave all the poison drinking in 2017. I don't know about you, but I find myself still bitter about things that happened years ago and it takes up space in my life. Just let that shit go, it doesn't deserve to take up space in 2018.

Say goodbye to toxic people.
Literally, say GOODBYE. Delete numbers, block them on social media, rip up a photo of them, whatever it is you need to do to get toxic people out of your life, do it. I've always struggled with this, but I recently deleted numbers and removed people from my "Favorites" list because they were no longer bringing positivity into my life. Anyone that makes you feel sad, or angry, or not good enough, doesn't deserve a spot in your life in the new year. Really think hard about who was there for you and who was not and who brought you joy and who brought you to tears. Say goodbye to anyone who doesn't make you glad you are alive.

Say goodbye to mistakes/failures. 
I hope I'm not alone when I say that I've made more than a handful of mistakes over the last 365 days. We all make mistakes, but don't let the ones from 2017 creep their way into 2018. Stop judging yourself based on your failures and focus on your potential for the future. Making mistakes is part of being human, and though failures can feel earth-shattering, they help shape us into the stronger people we are meant to be. You cannot change the past, as much as we often wish we could, so accept your mistakes, do your best to learn from them, and move on. Your mistakes do not define you and they do not make you a bad person. Go into 2018 regret free and leave your mistakes in the past.

Say goodbye to negativity. 
Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit. A negative mind will never give you a positive life. Say goodbye to negative thoughts, people, places, activities, anything that doesn't serve you. We are our own worst critics, but shutting down those negative voices in our heads and replacing them with positive ones can make all the difference. In our world today it is easy to get caught up in all of the negatives, but make 2018 a year of positive thinking and action.

Say goodbye to "I can't"
You can do anything you set your mind to, take the phrase "I can't" out of your vocabulary. Saying you can't do something is setting yourself up for failure before you even try. It may be hard, you may need help, it may take some work, but know that you CAN do whatever it is you want to do. Instead of saying I can't, think of the reasons for why you think you can't, and then face them head on. Tell yourself "I can" and 2018 will be full of endless possibilities. 

Say goodbye to unrealistic expectations. 
There is nothing wrong with setting goals for yourself, but you have to make sure they are within reach. If you set your goals too high you are only setting yourself up for failure which will lead to self deprecation. Stop being so damn hard on yourself and beating yourself up all the time. Set goals within reach and allow yourself to accomplish them. Instead of "lose x amount of weight" maybe change it to "eat healthier and workout more," that way if you don't lose "x" amount of weight, but you become healthier, you don't feel badly about yourself for not meeting an unrealistic goal. Let go of all those crazy unrealistic expectations and set goals you can reach so that you can feel good about yourself.

Say goodbye to anything that doesn't bring you joy.
Honestly, I don't know about you, but in 2018 I just want to get rid of all the shit and all the people who don't make me happy. I don't want to let another year go by doing things with people who don't fill my soul with bliss. Think long and hard about what and who it is who makes you happy, and everything else can be left in the past. If you hate running, don't fucking do it. Find a work out routine that works for you and doesn't make you miserable. Hate your job? Fucking quit. Follow your heart, find what you love and just do it. Don't stray from the things that make you happy. Whatever made your life shitty in 2017 doesn't need to be brought into 2018. Leave the negativity behind and move forward to embracing a life you love.

Say hello to 2018.
Say hello to the fresh start and promise the new year has in store. Say hello to the endless possibilities that await you and all of the adventures that have yet to unfold. This is your chance to make changes, to reinvent yourself and your life, to do those things you've been putting off. Say hello to new people that will become good friends. Say hello to new experiences and welcome them with open arms. Wonderful things are in store, you just have to put good out into the world and you will receive good things back. Burn the pictures, throw away the scale, forgive yourself, think positively, and be happy. Say hello to self love and acceptance. You have 365 days to fill however you please, don't waste them. However 2017 went for you, good, bad, or somewhere in between, just know that tomorrow night when the ball drops it's all over. The pages are blank, it's up to you to write the next year.

So here we are, on New Year's Eve, ready to say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018. This year changed me, it brought out parts of me I never want to see again, it kicked me down. But it also brought me some of the most wonderful people I've ever met, it gave me the courage to try new things, and it showed me the changes I need to make, and that they are possible. Whatever 2017 was for you, I hope that 2018 is even better. 

What are you leaving behind in 2017?

Love Always,
Olivia Jane

I thought I'd share a piece I wrote for my creative writing class this semester about the complex topic of "home." 
According to my phone, 100 Hempstead Turnpike, Hofstra University is my home. Every time I get into my car it greets me with a notification telling me how long it will take me to get "home." My mother was not happy when she heard this. "Why would you make that your home?" she asked. I tried to explain that it was out of my control, that my phone determined Hofstra as my home because that's where I parked my car the majority of the year. She did not accept this explanation and was genuinely offended that our home address was not my home.

But truthfully, at age 21, I don't feel like I have an actual home. Bits and pieces of me are scattered in two places and I don't know which I belong the most to. The house I grew up in is a form of a home, with my little handprints decorating the rocks outside in pink and purple paint. So are a few other places on Cape Cod. Old Silver beach, a place that has seen me grow up. A place that's seen sun kissed skin and wide smiles on warm summer days, as well as tear stained cheeks on brisk winter nights. The Chart Room, where I've spent every summer working since I was 14. I became the person I am today because of those summers and the coworkers that turned into family. The field at Falmouth High School where I first learned to play field hockey, and later spent four years and eight seasons playing lacrosse and field hockey. That field saw the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And Centerville Yoga, where I grew so much and met people who changed my life. When I took my last yoga class there before leaving for college I was hysterical, not wanting to leave the place that held me together. 

Then, after 18 years came Long Island, a place I never thought I'd consider home. Though my dorm room changes every year, I've found myself making homes in more permanent places. I never thought there would be room in my heart for another yoga studio until I started going to Yoga Nanda. This place literally saved me from my destructive self. I've met people there who welcome me into their homes and who allow me to make a life outside of my college bubble. My soul has danced in magical places, such as Robert Moses Beach, Sea Cliff Beach, Washington Square Park, Cold Spring Harbor, The New York Public Library, and Long Beach boardwalk. I've felt both warm and cold sand between my toes, frolicked to the sounds of the city streets, and hiked further than I ever thought possible. I've found a few favorite restaurants, such as Margaritas Cafe, Coliseum Deli, and Witches Brew, where I often frequent to escape campus food. Then there is Hofstra and the people I've met there, friends and professors, who have all played a large role in shaping me into the person I'm becoming.
​
I have two places, 248 miles apart, with two separate lives. I miss things about the other when I've been away awhile, and catch myself referring to both as home. In a year and a half I'm going to have to pick a home. Do I go back to one of the lives I've already created, or start a new one entirely? I think what I've learned is home is what makes you happy. It could be a house, a person, a place, or a combination of all of those things. Home is where you grow and where you find comfort. Home is where you want to go when you are both happy and sad. Home is what you make it, and it's different for everyone. That's why my iPhone locates 100 Hempstead Turnpike as my home, because that's the logical answer, but home is anything but logical. My phone cannot hear my laugh splashing through the waves at Robert Moses sunset, it can't see how much I've grown in my seven summers at the Chart Room, it can't feel the love that emulates from both of my yoga studios. Home isn't just a place on a map, it's how those places make you feel.

What does home mean to you?
Love Always,
Olivia Jane

Hello! A few days late due to finals being crazy, but nevertheless here is my annual birthday blog post! I turned 21 on the 17th and IT'S ABOUT TIME! I have enjoyed many ~legal~ drinks since then and it's been really fun celebrating with family and friends! This past year leading up to 21 has been full of ups and downs, and definitely lots of lessons learned. Even though legally you are an adult at 18, 21 really seems to be when people deem you an "adult", you're in college (really almost done), you can drink, you probably have had internships/real jobs, and everyone all of the sudden is telling you how grown up you look. It's kind of crazy, I don't feel 21 (except the hangovers), and I definitely don't feel like an adult, but I have grown a lot as a person. So as always on my birthday, here are 21 things I have learned by 21! Hope you can relate :)
1. You will make mistakes.
I put this one first because it just keeps slapping me in the face everywhere I turn, but instead of getting down about my mistakes, I've learned to accept them as part of my growth. Making mistakes is part of being human honestly, but they just seem bigger and more detrimental when you are young. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less than for the mistakes you have made. I have made more mistakes than I can count, some small, some really, really, big, but I'm still here and I'm a much stronger person. Your mistakes do not define you, what defines you is what you do next.
2. Be yourself.
This year I had the realization that I wasn't being myself, but rather I was being the person people expected me to be. I realized how hard I was trying to hide the real me because I didn't think people would like that person. But I like that person, and that's all that matters. Friends, family, and society are all going to try to shape you into the version of you that they want, but at the end of the day you're the one who has to be happy with the person you are and that's all that matters. The more I started being myself the more I started to form more genuine relationships. There is only you and it would be a shame to hide that from the world.
3. Grades do not determine your self worth.
This semester was R O U G H. I'm the type of person that has always been hard on myself when it comes to school, but this year I really learned that just because I got a bad grade doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Some people are bad test takers, some can't write an essay, but it doesn't make you a failure if you do poorly on an assignment or in a class. Our society loves to judge people based on numbers, but honestly who cares? Sure, at the end of the day you need to pass or graduate eventually, but whether you get a 100% or a 0%, you are still you and you are still an amazing person regardless of what the grade says. 
4. Hugs can fix most things.
Never underestimate the power of a warm hug. There have been so many times in life where I thought I couldn't make it or that it was the end of the world, and then I received a hug from a loved one and everything felt okay again. I'm not saying all of your problems will be solved, but there's something about the comfort of a hug that can do wonders when you are hurting. 
5. Challenge yourself.
Do things outside your comfort zone. Take risks. Do that thing you've always wanted to do but weren't sure if you were good enough or smart enough or talented enough. Read Shakespeare. Take a biology class. Learn a new language. We get so comfortable in our daily routines that we often forget how much we are capable of. I took the step this year to get my 200hr yoga teacher certification and I am so happy I finally challenged myself because it's been incredibly rewarding. Step outside your box and see what's out there.
6. Tell people you love them.
This is SO important. I've never been a fan of expressing emotions, because honestly I am just afraid of being rejected. But by doing that I was only hurting myself and keeping people out of my life who truly care about me. This has taken a lot of work but I've gotten so much better about telling the people in my life that I love them and it's made me (and them) happy. Life is so short and I've seen tragedies happen and so it's become so important to me to tell people how I feel.
7. You can't run away from your problems.
You guys, I really tried, like sprinted, but they ALWAYS caught up with me in the end. No matter where you try to run, you are still the same person, and you will be until you learn to deal with your problems. I'm not a master at dealing with my problems by any means, but I've learned that confronting them is a lot healthier than the alternative. It's not easy, it's a lot of hard and sometimes shitty work, but it's worth it in the end. 
8. Spend time outside.
Go outside. Literally right now. It is amazing the wonders fresh air can do. I have been spending so much more time outside over the past few years and I'm a much happier person. I love feeling the warm sun kiss my face, sand squishing between my toes, smelling fresh cut grass, hearing the ocean waves crash. There is so.much.beauty. out there. It's honestly breathtaking. Get outside as much as possible, it's more healing and rejuvenating than anything I know.
9. Do what you love.
Whatever it is, do it. Do all of it. Everything you love. Never stop doing it. I stopped doing what I loved for a little bit and I'm so sorry I did. I'm back into writing, photography, yoga, and many other things now, and my life is so much better. Anything that makes your soul feel alive is where you should invest your time. Stop doing things that don't serve you any good. Spend time doing what you love with people you love, because there's really nothing better. Do what you love because you love yourself.
10. Eliminate toxic people.
Say goodbye to people who hinder your life, they don't belong in it. Anyone that makes you feel poorly does not deserve a place in your life. Toxic people suck the energy out of you and cause so much damage. It's hard, but necessary. I've cut people out of my life because the relationships were harming me more than benefitting me and it was difficult, but I felt so much lighter after. There are so many wonderful human beings out there, don't waste your time on ones who make you feel shitty. 
11. You matter.
You literally matter so much. There is only one you, no one can replace you, never forget that. I spent so much time thinking I didn't matter and it was really sad and so far from the truth. All of the little quirks that make us the people we are are so beautiful and unique. There are so many people who care about you, more than you could even know. It's easy to let our perceptions of ourselves get in the way, but when I pushed my negative self thoughts aside and allowed myself to see how much I mattered to people, everything changed. ​You fucking matter.
12. Spend time alone.
Become your own best friend. Learn to love being alone with yourself. I used to hate being alone, to the point where I would do anything to avoid sitting with my own thoughts, but once I started to deal with the things I needed to deal with I began to really value my alone time. It's okay to say no to plans, it's okay to stay in on a Friday night, it's okay to watch a movie by yourself. It may be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will be so rewarding. 
13. It's okay to not be okay.
Somehow it's become shameful in our society to be anything other than happy and it's so ridiculous. You are human, and part of being human is knowing it's okay to be sad sometimes, it doesn't make you any less good, just human. No one has it together all the time, and the more we learn to accept that the better we will all feel. I used to be so stubborn and refused to ever admit I wasn't okay because I thought it made me weird, or weak, or a failure, but over time I learned it's the exact opposite. It's normal to not be okay sometimes, and admitting it makes you stronger than keeping it inside. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel and know that it is 100% valid.
14. Ask questions.
I used to be self conscious about how many questions I ask in school, but overtime I have learned that you can learn something from every single person you meet if you ask the right questions. Be inquisitive, it is a precious quality to have. One of my professors always said "question authority" and it stuck with me. It's easy to accept the things we are told every day, but sometimes we get so comfortable we forget to question the world around us. Ask what's going on in our government, ask about other religions, ask about where something came from. Strike up a conversation with a stranger, make an acquaintance into a friend, ask people their best childhood memory or the first time they experienced heartbreak. Ask people for advice, ask people what they've been through, ask them their likes and dislikes, ask whatever your heart desires. Everyone we meet can teach us something, don't be afraid to ask these teachers questions when the opportunity presents itself. Embrace your inquisitive nature and see where it takes you.
15. Some people won't like you.
This one is hard for people pleasers like me to accept, but it's the harsh truth. I used to try so hard to make people like me because I wanted their approval so badly, but the only one I was hurting was myself. I realized that just like I don't like some people, some people aren't going to like me, and that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you don't vibe with them, and you should put your energy and time elsewhere. Instead of getting wrapped up in why people don't like you, focus on the ones who do because they are the only ones who matter, and make sure you like yourself.
16. Pain is temporary.
Some hurt lasts longer, but eventually the pain will stop. It's easy to get consumed by pain when you are in the midst of it, but knowing that it's only temporary is so important. Life can really suck sometimes, and it can make you really angry, or sad, or hopeless, but one day you will wake up and it will all hurt a bit less. I look back on times where I thought the pain would never end and realize how far I've come and how temporary it all was. Pain is inevitable, but knowing that it won't last forever is important in order to get through it.
17. Take lots of pictures.
There are so many precious moments in life worth capturing. My whole life I've always been the girl with the camera at parties and I'm so glad because now I have a million pictures to look back on some of my fondest memories. Take pictures of your hometown, your favorite beach, your friends and family, yourself. One of my favorite things to do is look back on the pictures I've taken throughout my life, it's always a glorious combination of smiles, laughter, and tears. Out of our whole lives there are only a handful of moments we will truly remember, but by taking lots of pictures we are able to capture those beautiful fleeting moments so that we can remember them forever. 
18. Make new friends.
Even though it can be scary to put yourself out there, meeting new people and making new friends is incredibly rewarding. I've never been shy per say, but I was always nervous to ask people to hangout or strike up a conversation with a stranger because I didn't want them to reject me. But some of the best friendships I have came from stepping outside my comfort zone and taking initiative. Make friends that care about the same stuff that you do, make friends that come from different backgrounds, make friends that are older or younger than you. I feel like as we get older it becomes more awkward to try to make new friends, but I would have missed out on so many amazing friendships if I shied out. 
19. Treat yo self.
Get your nails done, buy yourself something nice, put on a face mask. There are so many ways to treat yourself and everyone deserves a treat sometimes. Let yourself indulge once in a while and don't feel guilty about it. There should be no guilt associated with eating what you want. Most days of the week I eat salads and grilled chicken, but sometimes I'll eat a whole bag of party sized Doritos or scarf down four rice crispy treats, and you know what, that's okay! Life's short, eat the damn cake, buy the shoes, take the nap, do whatever you need to do.
20. Hitting rock bottom is a good thing.
To quote Bridesmaids, "I'm telling you, hitting rock bottom is a good thing. Because there's nowhere to go but up." Hitting rock bottom can feel hopeless and overwhelming, but overtime I've come to realize that it can be the perfect opportunity to rebuild your life. Recently I hit rock bottom and I was sad about it for a bit, but it gave me the push I needed to get my life together and to make changes that were long overdue. There's nothing to be ashamed of about feeling like you've hit rock bottom, we've all been there, don't be afraid to ask for help. Chances are someone has been in your shoes and can give you a helping hand. The most important lesson I've learned from hitting rock bottom is not to stay there, but to dust yourself off and put the pieces back together bit by bit.
21. No one has all of the answers.
I could write these posts until the day I die, and I still won't have all the answers. I was always the type of kid that asked "why" to everything, and honestly not much has changed. But I've learned to accept and be comfortable with the fact that I will never know everything and that some questions will be left unanswered. I'm young, I have learned a lot, but I still have so much left to learn, and some things I will never learn, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Another birthday post in the books! I have no doubt that this next year will be filled with endless lessons and experiences and I am looking forward to it all. What are some of the best lessons you have learned?
Love Always,
Olivia Jane

 A few years ago I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and no matter where I seem to go in my life, one of the agreements always comes back to my mind. The second agreement is "Don't Take Anything Personally," and begins with this, "Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally...Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves." And the reason I am choosing to write about it now is because it is something I have to constantly remind myself of.
My whole life I have taken EVERYTHING personally. A teacher yelled at me, my friends started a rumor about me, a stranger gave me a dirty look, a boy didn't text me back. And if you are someone who takes things personally you know it hurts, it really hurts. Because it makes you to think "what did I do?" or "what's wrong with me?" and so you spend your time trying to please people, but you're really just setting yourself up for failure. "What's wrong with me" was a song that played relentlessly in my mind through most of my teenage/young adult life. I let others rage, hatred, sadness and opinions directly impact me because I thought their reactions said something about me, but that's where I was incredibly wrong.
The words, actions, and reactions of others have absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Though we are all physically living in the same world, we all live vastly different lives and have different experiences. As Ruiz says, "When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world." It made me realize it's almost self centered to think that what other people say and do is about you, because in reality they are just living their own life, just as you are trying to live yours. It's impossible for someone to know your reality, and it is impossible for you to know theirs. If someone snaps at me, my instant reaction would be to internalize it, to get upset, but instead it's important to detach oneself from the situation and think about the big picture. I may think the person is being mean, or is a bitch, or intended to hurt me, but I have no clue what caused them to lash out. They could have been running late, maybe they just got into a heated argument, or maybe they're really struggling and don't know how to handle it. Does that excuse their actions? No, but it explains them. And I think if we all searched a little bit more for explanations we would understand each other and the world a little bit better. Now that I have stepped back from the situation I can think, "Okay, that may have seemed hurtful, but it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them." It's not easy by any means, but it makes for more pleasant life.
When you take things personally you are opening yourself up to so much unnecessary suffering. And let's be real, life is full of pain and suffering, so why add more? I was often been called a doormat because of my unfortunate habit of taking things personally, and I was a doormat, because I was letting people walk all over me, I was letting them dictate my happiness. I made it easy for people to hurt me because I let them. But the moment you stop taking things personally is the moment you set yourself free from the negativity of others. It's not easy, it requires constant work and taking steps back, but it is very worthwhile. 
And lastly, be aware what you are saying, of how you are reacting, because chances are you have been the villain once or twice. We all do it, and all we can do is make the conscious effort to be better about it. So stop taking everything so damn personally, because as Ruiz says, "if you do no take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement." Suffering is hell, but by not taking things personally, we have the ability to end the suffering, a chance we do not get with other types of suffering. I highly recommend reading the whole book, it is truly life changing, but if not, then at least take away this crucial lesson, that nothing other people do is because of you. Don't take anything personally. And when you can ignore the words and actions of others, you will not be the victim of pointless suffering.
Love Always,
​Olivia Jane

The other day I shared this post on Instagram talking about the truth. Now I've always considered myself to be a pretty truthful person, meaning I don't lie, I try to be genuine, but recently the topic of truth has been really slapping me in the face. Both in yoga and in my writing classes at school my teachers have been talking about how truly important it is to tell the truth, and if you find that you aren't telling the truth, explore why not. The biggest place where I see myself struggling with this in my own life is on social media. I love social media, probably too much. I love sharing these breathtaking photos and these deep quotes or humorous captions, but is that the truth? Are we being honest with the world, but even more importantly, are we being honest with ourselves?

One classic Instagram post I'm guilty of is the sunset. I love sunsets more than most things and people in my life. I usually post some elegant prose I found online along side my photo of the colors melting into the sea, and sure, that's fine. But is it the full truth? No, not really. Usually if I'm watching a sunset I'm probably looking for something, trying to run away for something, searching for answers, or just wanting to see something beautiful in the midst of a life that sometimes isn't. But how often do I write "Today I went to seek comfort in the sunset because I couldn't find it anywhere else," or "Even though this sunsets colors are gorgeous, I'm here because I can't seem to find beauty in my own life." That's real. That's raw. That's the truth. And I guess the reason why we don't want to tell the truth is because we don't think people can handle it, we don't think they want to hear it, we are afraid of being vulnerable. But what if everyone told the truth?

What if when someone asked you "how are you?" and instead of the robotic answer of "good! how are you?" you answered, "I'm really sad today," or "I got in a fight with my significant other and I'm really pissed off." The beauty of telling the truth is that people can relate to it. Sure, not everyone, but if you step out of your comfort zone and explore the idea of honesty, someone, somewhere, is feeling the EXACT same way and hasn't had the courage to speak up, or believes that they are alone. My creative writing professor told us that telling the truth is the most important element in non-fiction writing, and it stuck with me, because shouldn't telling the truth be the most important element in life? Think about all of the people in your life, acquaintances, coworkers, friends, family, how many of them do you REALLY know? How many non superficial relationships do you have in your life? And I don't mean to say they are fake, but rather how many of your relationships dive past the surface level stuff? For me, I can truthfully say not that many. Why? Well because I'm scared. Because it's hard. Because we create this persona that we present to the world that doesn't show all the parts of us. We are each a pie, and there are different slices of us that together form a complete pie. Some of those pieces of ourselves are ones we aren't proud of, or that are dark, or that make us different, but you aren't you without all the pieces. The one persona we present to the world isn't fully us, typically we try to make our lives seem perfect and bury the parts that could harm that facade. But the thing is, nobody is good 100% of the time. There are parts of us we may not want to recognize, but they're a part of us we have to acknowledge, and then discover why we are ashamed of it.

Think about your favorite books and movies, and the characters in them. Why do you fall in love with characters like they are real people? What makes you watch a movie over and over again? I can almost guarantee that it's not because they're perfect. It's because they tell the truth, it's because they're relatable. I cry every time I read The Catcher in the Rye because I can feel Holden's pain, because at times I see some of myself in him, because his feelings are palpable. I watch sad movies because I'm looking for some type of truth, something I can relate to, something that can help me understand not only myself, but life in general. Think about the people that you love in your life, why do you love them? As human beings we crave affection and connection, we need more than the shallow stuff. Chances are whether it's your best friend, your significant other, your sibling, your teacher, you love people who you can relate to, who you can talk to, who understand you and embrace everything you have to offer. And if you're like me, you're constantly searching for those genuine connections. But in order to develop meaningful relationships, in order to find people who feel the same way as you do, you have to be willing to tell the truth.

The other day I was talking with a friend and I decided to be truthful, I decided to tell them something about myself that I wasn't super proud of, and I was so petrified of opening myself up, of being vulnerable. But I told the truth, and you know what, my friend shared the same experience. And we had a real, open, and deep conversation about it and it was remarkable. And I didn't feel ashamed or less than or embarrassed, I felt understood, and that feeling is indescribable. I'm not saying to go around sharing your deepest darkest secrets with everyone you know, but there are people out there who are willing to listen and who understand your truth.

So I guess here are some truths about me, they're not glamorous, but they're real, and if people read this and judge me, then that's on them, because I am who I am and I'm tired of apologizing for it. Lately I've been watching One Tree Hill and I cannot get through a single episode without crying, like really ugly crying. It's the second week of school and I'm already exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling. I may seem like the definition of an extrovert and a social butterfly, but the truth is every day I feel out of place. Every night I toss and turn because my thoughts keep me awake, most of the time they aren't pretty, they can be dark and I still haven't figured out how to deal with them. I'm 20 years old and I'm don't like to order food at restaurants or eat in front of people because I was made fun of so much for my picky eating growing up. People think I can take jokes well, but most of the time they really hurt me. I always try to dress nicely to counter how messy I feel on the inside. And the biggest truth I have to say is this: I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know who I am or who I want to be, and even if I did, I wouldn't know how to get there. I don't know what I'm going to do with my future and I don't even know if I'm on the right path. I'm still learning every day and I'm doing the best I can with what I have and that's just going to have to be enough. But one thing I do know for sure, is I'm sick of hiding parts of myself from the world, and no matter how hard it may be, I'm ready to start telling more of the truth.

What truths could you tell?

Love Always,
Olivia Jane

Long time no blog! Summer is FLYING by and so much has been happening in my life, so I figured it was a good time to drop by the blog to share! First, I know I always say this, but I'm really going to try to post more frequently because I truly love to blog so much, but y'know, life happens.

I finished my sophomore year of college at Hofstra which is so crazy! I left the hustle and bustle of New York for another Cape Cod summer, but I am still keeping myself busy (a little bit too busy!) I am waitressing at the Chart Room, as per usual, and I am also interning at the Cape Cod Community Media Center in Dennisport. At my internship I get to do interviews and get on camera experience which has been awesome! I am a very hands on person, so getting actual experience in the field rather than sitting in a classroom is ideal. I have done interview out in the field such as at our local Relay for Life, as well as in the studio with special guests. The other interns and I are also shooting a music video for our final project that I am starring in (acting, not singing! Ha!) and will be sure to share. However, having one day a week off has definitely left me feeling exhausted pretty much 24/7 and has only allowed me to snag 3 beach days this whole summer.

Seeing as how I don't have as much free time to stuff my face I've also started a new health and workout routine this summer. I am doing the "Perfect Body Yoga Program" which was created by Erin Motz from Bad Yogi. It's an 8 week program of yoga videos, dietary adjustments, and meditations, and I absolutely LOVE IT! I practice in studio 3 days a week, and do the online videos 5 days a week, so I practice twice on Monday and Wednesday and rest on Sunday. Practicing yoga 6 days a week has been AH-MA-ZING and I can definitely see improvements in my mental and physical health. I thought food part of the program was going to be impossible, but I actually have found it isn't bad at all and it's very doable and enjoyable! I'm currently starting week 7 and it has flown by! The program follows the 80/20% rule, so 80% of the week you eat healthy, real, non processed foods, and the remaining 20% (the weekends) you can splurge a little, which for me usually involves grilled cheese. Each week has a different challenge, from hydrating more, to trying new "real" foods, to cutting the sugar (which actually wasn't that bad!). I can see my strength has improved greatly and I have been able to come into challenging arm balances and inversions for the first time! I think what I've learned most from this program is you have to pick a workout routine that works for you or else it isn't going to stick. I've tried gym workouts and running, but I always end up quitting which leaves me discouraged. I'm not a gym person, but I AM a yoga person, so finding a program that was going to get me fit doing something I already love was key. To anyone out there who is struggling to find a fitness program or diet that works for them, I suggest searching for something you enjoy because it will be much easier to follow through! 

Speaking of yoga, I'm super excited to share that I have been accepted into "The Path to Self-Realization" 200-HR Teacher Training Program! My studio at school, Yoga Nanda, is holding the training and when I got an email about it I just knew it was time. I've been practicing for five years now and I cannot wait to take the next step in my yoga journey! The training starts in November and ends in March and will definitely take up a lot of my time and may be hard to balance with school, but this is something I want so badly and will do everything I can to make it work. When I express my frustrations about feeling stuck and unsatisfied with my life to people, their response is usually something along the lines of "oh just wait until you graduate!" and that response really pisses me off because why should I have to waste two more years of my life doing things I don't care about? I couldn't understand that, and I certainly didn't want to do it, so teacher training is my way of doing something I want with my life. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but the feelings of excitement and bliss outweigh all the nerves for sure! I will definitely be posting updates about my teacher training journey so be sure to look out for them!

I've decided I really love photography and the idea of turning my passion into more of a career. I've been really getting into photography more this summer and besides sunsets, my favorite subjects are definitely people! Over the past few months I have done senior photos, headshots, portfolio shoots, and I just did my first yoga photoshoot for Mary Catherine Starr , which I LOVED. If you or anyone that you know are looking for photoshoots of any kind please reach out, I'd love more opportunities! You can check out the photography tab on this site for more info as well as my photography Instagram, Olivinthelifephotography. 

Wow, even writing all of this has me feeling exhausted, ha! But even though I am crazy busy, I have had some time to just hangout, and I appreciate it a lot more because there is so little of it. I've spent my downtime at the beach, hanging out with friends, exploring new places, and binging literally everything on Netflix. This summer I've really learned when it's time to take a break. I am the queen of pushing myself beyond my limits and crashing hard, which only makes things a million times harder, so I've really been trying to take time for myself when I need to before it gets out of control. So there you have it, my life the past few months in a nutshell! 
​
What have you been up to this summer?
Love Always,
Olivia Jane

In high school I was really uncomfortable with myself. My favorite thing to do was make myself the victim of harsh and sarcastic jokes because it was easier than admitting there were so many things I didn't like about myself. I constantly made self deprecating jokes about myself and one day my english teacher said "Olivia, you have to be your own best friend." At the time, in typical high school Olivia fashion, I rolled my eyes and laughed it off and thought it was stupid. But for some reason, three years later it has been something that stuck with me, because though I didn't want to admit it at the time, she was right, I just had no clue how.

When I got to college last year I began to realize just how much I couldn't be by myself, and it was a little alarming. I could barely get through an episode on Netflix without having to get up and go to the student center or walk around campus where people were, it even got so bad that I started running for HOURS because I couldn't stand to be alone with myself that I was literally trying to run away from myself, from my feelings, from all of the uncomfortableness. I booked my social life obsessively because I wanted to be around people and was scared of the alternative. But then I realized I am not the only one who has struggled with this, I see it every day. So many people constantly need to be on their phones, or with other people, because they are so uneasy about just simply being with themselves. In this age of technology even when are think we are "alone" we still have people calling, texting, and  tweeting us 24/7. And for some reason, being alone at a coffee shop, at the beach, or in a park are seen as "weird", but people only call things weird that they don't understand, and a lot of people don't understand how beautiful it is to be comfortable with yourself. 

Recently in my life I've realized that learning to be comfortable alone, learning to be your own best friend, is SO important(only took a few years and lots of eye rolling to get here). Back in high school I was horrified by the idea of just eating lunch alone, or being in my room for too long, but now I've learned the value of getting to know (and like) myself more. Over the past year or so I've started to go places alone all the time, and at first it was awkward and uneasy, but now it's starting to feel good and even fun. I go to the beach, a park, even New York City, alone all the time and it doesn't make me uncomfortable anymore because I've gotten to know myself, my feelings, and what makes me happy. Spending time by yourself can be so empowering and freeing because know one knows you better than yourself. We spend so much time with friends and family, we know their passions and secrets and would do anything to make them happy, but we constantly forget about the most important person in our lives, ourselves. 

The first thing I had to do was reflect on why it was I was constantly avoiding being alone. And I'm not going to lie and tell you it's easy or pleasant, it's hard, really really fucking hard. But nothing worthwhile is ever simple. I had to do a lot of digging, deal with a lot of things that I had buried for so long, cry a lot of tears, feel so much pain and discomfort, but I persevered and I learned a lot. Once I had come to the root of my problems, I had to learn how to deal with them in healthy ways instead of suppressing them. Then slowly but surely I started to be able to become at ease with myself, and I began to spend more and more time with myself, and eventually I began to even look forward to alone time rather than dreading it. Now some of my best days, my happiest moments, are the adventures I go on by myself. Not because I hate people, not because I don't have friends, but because I literally enjoy hanging out with myself. I know that sounds so strange, but it's really a feeling I cannot explain. When you start to see yourself how other people see you, you understand why they want to spend time with you, and then you want to spend time with you too.

I went from being the self deprecating joke queen (okay some still slip out, I'm a work in progress people), to realizing that I'm actually pretty fucking cool. I can't encourage you enough to spend some time with yourself because it's honestly one of the best things I've ever done. I've gotten a lot of advice in my life, I've overcome a lot of things, accomplished some stuff, but being my own best friend is probably the best thing I've ever done. What are your passions? Do them, find them. Explore the world around you while also exploring yourself. Go on a hike, watch a sunset, go to a museum, just do something you love and enjoy your own company. You have this one body, this one soul, this ONE life, and every single thing, person, and experience will come and go, but when all is said and done you will always have yourself, so why not befriend yourself? Learn to be comfortable alone, learn to deal with the discomfort, learn to love yourself, learn to be your own best friend, future you will definitely be grateful.

Are you comfortable with yourself?
​
Love Always,
Olivia Jane

Here are some pictures from my latest solo adventures!

The other day I stumbled across the phrase "joie de vivre" which means "the joy of living." It is described as a feeling of happiness and excitement about life, and the carefree enjoyment, ebullience and zest of living it. This phrase and definition really struck me and I've been thinking about it ever since. I feel as though we could all use a little bit more of enthusiasm and zest for life, I know I sure as hell could.

I constantly catch myself simply going through the motions, just trying to get through a day, a test, a week, an illness, a feeling, a month, a season, a year....and I realize that I waste so much of my life just trying to "get through" instead of embracing all the joys of living. Honestly it's mostly because I'm by no means perfect, no one is, but life gets really hard and it can be overwhelming and exhausting and it's easy to feel like you're drowning in it all. But if you make the effort to lift your head up above the water you will see that there are so many beautiful things and people to focus on.

After reading joie de vivre, I thought, what makes me happy and excited about life? What makes me want to truly be alive and what makes me feel carefree and zealous? For me, the answers honestly are always right in front of me, every day, but I just sometimes lose sight of them. In my life I think the major thing that has shown me the joys of living is yoga. It's the one thing that has remained constantly positive in my life when everything else, including myself, was not. The fact that I get to practice yoga fills me with so much excitement about life because I know it is something that will always make me feel that way. Everyone should find something that still makes them happy when the rest of their life is in flames. Another major thing I've realized recently is that my thirst for knowledge and desire to learn fills me with so much appreciation and zeal towards life. The things I have learned, the things I want to learn or have yet to learn, there is so much curiosity that fills my soul that makes me burst with joy simply because I know one can never stop learning. Other things that make me adore life are writing, photography, really genuine laughter, my friends, traveling, exploring, riveting books, yummy foods. Those are just a HANDFUL of the joys of living, to me. But the biggest joy of living is simply just being. Being who you are, where you are, and embracing it with every ounce of excitement that you can muster. Being alive and on your own journey should fill you with endless exuberance. Go through life with an inexhaustible nature and an overwhelming love for being alive.

Nothing will ever be perfect, life is messy as fuck, but that's what makes it so extraordinary. The days will continue to pass as rapid as the current, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to look back at a life filled with fear and bitterness and regret, I want to look back knowing I experienced the joys of living. So go out there, find them. Whatever it is, or who it is, for you in your life. Take life by the reins and go forward with carefree attitude and excitement about what's to come. Spend your time falling in love with your self and your life and honestly the rest will fall into place. Whatever you are going through, whatever demons you have faced, life is too short to ignore the joie de vivre.

What are your joys of living?

Love Always,
OIivia Jane

Happy New Year! I've gone back and forth on whether or not I believe in making New Year's resolutions because usually when the year comes to a close I end up feeling badly about myself for not accomplishing my goals. However I've come to realize that I have been setting the bar too high and making unrealistic resolutions, therefore I don't follow through on them, which leaves me feeling down on myself. This year I really am focusing on things that I can and want to change and accomplish. Resolutions don't have to be drastic life changes, just little steps in the direction you want to go. 17 is my lucky number so honestly I have a fantastic feeling about 2017 and really want to make the most out of the next year.
1. Eat healthier.
2. Read more (would LOVE to read at least 2 books a month, depending on school work!)
3. Go to yoga at least 3 days a week (I'm down, dog!)
4. Go to bed earlier & sleep more in general.
5. Write, write, write. Anything and everything, write it all down.
6. Go to the gym twice a week.
7. Stop being so hard on myself.
8. Take NO bullshit...from anyone(no exceptions).
9. Be more positive.
10. Make new friends.
11. Explore new places.
12. Take more pictures.
13. Stop procrastinating (please Olivia...do this for yourself).
14. Practice saying no.
15. Do things that make me happy.

There you have it! These are things I'm really hoping to adapt and cultivate in 2017. What are your New Year's resolutions?
Love Always,
​Olivia Jane