Today I had a full day of shopping and practically purchased all of Rome. I indulged in a delicious margarita pizza along with some bread and a glass of wine. After getting back and thinking about my day (and the things I've purchased and eaten this vacation) I began to feel a bit guilty. I started worrying about all the calories I've been consuming and the money that I've spent, and then I realized, you know what, I deserve it. I've been working all summer, I work out almost every day, and I'm on vacation, so why the hell not? Instead of getting upset and mad at myself, I simply just decided that I deserved to treat myself, and I think you should too.
Everyone deserves a little reward now and then. We are really too hard on ourselves on a daily basis, we need to recognize that sometimes it's okay to indulge in whatever your heart desires. Food has always been a major issue for me, constantly calorie counting and fretting about how much fat I am eating. But you know what, a little pizza or cake every now and then isn't going to kill you. If you want a slice of cake, then go for it! Am I saying that you should have one every day, no, probably not, but treating yourself on occasion is important to your happiness. And it's very important that you don't punish yourself for treating yourself, because you deserve it and it is okay. We are constantly stressed out and overwhelmed, we put our bodies and minds under so much strain that a treat is much needed after a while.
I also always feel guilty after spending my hard earned money, but I mean that's what money is for! Obviously you should spend within reason, but buying those shoes or that shirt you've been wanting is totally okay! Everyone needs a little retail therapy once in a while. I really haven't spend much money all summer, so on this trip I've splurged a bit (when in Rome!), but I am totally okay with it because I deserve my new purchases! Take yourself shopping and buy some things that make you feel good. Don't go all Confessions of A Shopaholic, but just to reward yourself for all the bullshit you deal with on a daily basis. Getting something special for yourself has a way of making you feel good, and that is so important.
What I'm trying to say is, be kind to yourself. Do things for yourself and don't be afraid to treat yo self! Life can be hectic and hard and sometimes we need to unwind with a large order of french fries or a couple pairs of shoes. The hardest part is believing you deserve to treat yourself, and you do, so problem solved! After all, life is short, so eat the damn cake.
Love Always,
Olivia Jane
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I always hear people say how different other countries are from America, however being here in Italy has made me disagree. Sure when you travel to another country sometimes the language and culture is different, but when you really dig deeper you will realize the place and people really aren't that different from your home. We are all people on this planet doing the best we can with what we have, and I think sometimes it's easy to regard another country as "different" but really, we are all the same.
Today I was at a beach in Rome, and when I looked around I was surprised by the familiarity of my settings. I saw families swimming together in the water, couples lounging in beach chairs, and friends eating at the snack bar. It made me miss my own beach at home. It was so funny to me, because I could easily relate the different groups of people I saw to people in my own life. I saw groups of girls talking in Italian and laughing, and thought that they don't seem so different from me and my friends. Then the group of very attractive teenage guys and girls who were starring at me and laughing and obviously saying god knows what in Italian, who reminded me of the people in my high school who would do the exact same thing. I feel like it doesn't matter where you go, there will still be kind hearted people and there will still be mean people. There will still be good times and there will still be pain and heart ache. Though you may look at someone, or hear them speak, and think they are so vastly different from you, if you look a little closer you will realize we are all more similar than we think. I've seen so many interesting people here in Rome. Sometimes I have to resist the urge to approach strangers and start a conversation with them, because I know it's a bit weird. But sometimes I just want to know people's stories and what their life is like. I feel like we all go through life and barely even know the people we interact with. You can pass thousands of people on a daily basis and each one is living their own life and has their own personal story, and your paths cross for just a minute. I think that's pretty magical. We need to be aware of the danger of a single story and being judge mental, because at the end of the day we are all human beings. You can be best friends with someone and you still truly never know their whole story. I crave depth and meaning, and I just enjoy knowing what makes someone who they are. When people watching on this trip, though I am thousands of miles from home, I feel comfortable because of the fact that I'm not that different from the people here. We all wake up, eat sleep, hangout with our friends, work, and deal with some bullshit in between. We all have triumphs and struggles and when I pass someone on the street I know they are just trying to live their life to the fullest and be happy, and so am I. So even though you may not have the same skin color, speak the same language, or have the same beliefs as someone, we can relate to the fact that we are all human. When going to a new place, look around, and I think you'll be surprised by what you find. That girl over there that laughs like your best friend, the group of middle aged women that reminds you of your moms book club, the teenagers swimming like you and your friends do on a beach day, what's so different? Open your eyes and mind to the world around you, and look for familiarity in everything you encounter. What do you think? Are we all really that different? Love Always, Olivia Jane For those of you who aren't aware, I am an extremely impatient person. I know this is super un-yogic of me, but I get very easily frustrated with people and mundane daily tasks. I am always honking at cars in traffic, snapping at people, and getting frustrated on a daily basis. Here in Italy, there are 24 family members all with different voices and opinions, and it is so easy to get impatient and lash out. However I have been working on just taking a deep breath, staying silent, and letting it go.
I know everyone always says patience is key, and I totally agree, however like most things it is easier said than done. I have never been patient, not to be bitchy or rude, but because of my previously mentioned fast paced lifestyle. My patience is always tested in my daily life, between me cussing out cars going below the speed limit, or me getting angry with someone, but it is something I am working on. Being impatient is negative energy, it only does you a disservice. If you lash out on someone, it says something about you, not them. I have never had tolerance for rude or stupid people, however I have been trying to acknowledge my frustrations, take a step back, and release the negative energy. Imagine the crowd on the NYC subway, multiply it by 20, and there you have the Italian metro. Instead of getting worked up over the crowd, or the smell of the passengers, just accept that that's how it is and move on. Getting frustrated does you no good, because you cannot change it, it is just what is. Instead of getting impatient, just try to welcome and understand whatever it is or who it is that is bringing you these feelings. I am someone who wants things done how I'd like and when I'd like, however that's not realistic and this is not a perfect world. The sooner we learn to deal with our impatience the easier and more pleasant life will become. It is easy to get angry and upset, and so often we as humans just like to take the easy way out. However the more difficult path is always the most rewarding. I'll admit it is super difficult. My automatic impulse while driving is to erupt into a fit of road rage at the person in front of me, or lash out at stupid or rude people, but it is something I am working on. Instead of beeping at the car in front of you, turn up the radio and sing along. Instead of yelling and disagreeing with someone who has a different opinion than you, recognize it, and stay silent. It will take some effort, but in the long run it will make you feel a lot better. Everyone is dealing with their own shit, so just have some patience and take it all step by step. Yoga has helped me a lot with patience, but it is still a struggle. I find myself getting worked up and frustrated easily, but it is a work in progress. In yoga, patience is key. You cannot do every single pose right away, some take weeks, months, or even years to master, and that is perfectly acceptable. I have acknowledged the fact that headstand (a pose I really want to do) may take some time, and that if I am patient, someday I will be able to accomplish it. I realized, why can I not approach my life in the same way? Let life take it's course and accept everything how it is. Focus on yourself and don't let things or people irritate you or get in your way. This trip has really been testing my patience, but it has also helped me realized the areas I can grow and work on. Though I have far from mastered it, my advice is to just let your impatience go and take a few deep breaths. Don't burden yourself with it because it is not worth it. Be free and accept life at face value. Anything that hinders you has no place in your life, and recognizing it is the first step in being able to let it go. Are you impatient? How do you deal with it? Below are more Italy pictures, enjoy! Love Always, Olivia Jane As I sit here typing this post, I'm overlooking the city of Rome, sitting by the pool and drinking some fine Italian wine! Not to brag or anything ;) I arrived in Rome yesterday for a family vacation with 24 of my family members. We are staying in a gorgeous villa called La Tartaruga Sabina. What has really struck me thus far is all the beauty surrounding me in every direction. It's easy to just sleep of the jet lag, or stay in and watch Netflix, but in the long run you'll wish you hadn't. I've always enjoyed exploring my surroundings, and I think it is a really important aspect of life. Their is so much wonder around us every day, and all we have to do is look for it. Between the fields of sunflowers, the mountains, the animals and the gorgeous landscaping, there is so much here to investigate. I know back at home I often get stuck in the same mundane routine, but going to a new place always makes me realize that I need to open my eyes. Fall in love with the world around you. I bet there are even places in your home town, or the next town over that you've never even been to before. Don't be afraid of change or experiencing something new. You may be comfortable in your safe, known world, but if you venture out you will find endless possibilities and adventures. Getting comfortable is okay, but if you only hold on to what's good for you now then you could be missing out on something better. Wander, travel, explore. As the wise Pema Chödrön said, "Like all great explorers, we are drawn to discover what's out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it." Stop shying away from life, face the beauty of the world around you and step outside your comfort zone. And while I'm lucky enough to be in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, you can do it anywhere. Take a walk, take some pictures, let the explorer in you take over. Here are some pictures of my explorations so far! I'm going to try to blog as much as possible while I'm here :) Enjoy. Love Always, Olivia Jane Everybody makes mistakes, it is honestly just a harsh reality of life that we all have to come to accept. However, what I think is important to recognize is that our mistakes do not define us. Our past mistakes and failures do not determine the person we are going to be, or the potential that we have for the future. I honestly don't like the word "mistake" because it has such a negative connotation. We all stumble and mess up every once and a while, but every wrong turn we make is a lesson learned.
Perfection is unattainable. I've tried to be perfect for 18 years, and guess what, it's never going to happen. The sooner you accept that you will never be perfect, the sooner you can be happy with yourself. Chances are we have all done things we regret, hell I know I have. But the thing about regret is that it is a useless feeling, because there is nothing you can do to change it. If you made a mistake, you learn from it and avoid doing it again, but living with regret only eats away at your happiness. You cannot undo what has been done, as much as you wish you could. Our mistakes can leave us angry and bitter and hating ourselves, but what good does that do? So you messed up a little bit, it's okay. If there is one thing I've learned it's that life goes on and messing up is a huge part of finding your way and figuring out who you are going to be. I've made SO many mistakes, but I'm alive. Nothing you do is ever the end of the world, just learn from your mistake, and move on. Don't beat yourself up over it because no amount of self hatred is going to change the fact that you did what you did. Let your past mistakes go and press on to the greater achievements waiting for you in the future. Don't be ashamed of the blunders you have made. Do not judge yourself based on the little screw ups, but rather give yourself credit for how you overcame them. Stop living with regret, it serves you no good. Looking back is pointless because you are not going that way, you are going forward and ahead of you is a fresh slate. Don't bring your past mistakes into the future, there is no room for them there. We all make mistakes and we all have faults, but we are NOT our mistakes and faults. Once you realize that you have the power to shape your future and take your life by storm. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by their regret, don't be one of them. It is merely something that happened, so get over it. I constantly found myself full with regret about things that I could not change, the damage had already been done. So instead of letting it tear me apart, I simply decided it doesn't matter anymore and I let it go. Making mistakes is normal and there is nothing wrong with you, I think if you never made any at all then there would be something wrong with you. So I've decided to embrace the motto "No Ragrets", because there's no sense in wasting energy on things you cannot change. Are you filled with regret? Do you let your mistakes define you? Love Always, Olivia Jane As many of you know, and as I've mentioned on here a few times before, I am constantly on the go. I am always moving from one activity to the next, always making new plans, and always bursting with energy. However, recently I have been feeling extremely burned out and run down. For the past month or so, I have been putting way too much on my plate. A usual day for me is waking up around 10:30, making plans with friends(usually the beach), coming home at 3:30, working from 4:30 to around midnight, then going out after work till around 2am, and then repeating. No matter how much I sleep, I can not help feeling completely and utterly exhausted. I love my friends and my job and all of the other activities I fill my days with, but I think it is time to slow down a bit.
For example, sometimes all my friends are going out and deep down I know I am tired and should go home and go to bed, but I go out anyways because that is just my personality. I love going to the beach and dinner and being at all the parties, but sometimes you have to listen to the little voice in your head telling you you've had enough. The problem with doing too much is that it isn't healthy, your body needs a break every once in a while to just relax. I've been definitely feeling the repercussions of over extending myself, and honestly it feels terrible. I've been so tired, grumpy, and just plain unhappy because I have been putting way too much on my plate. I always make an effort to take time in my week to slow down, mostly by going to yoga three days a week. But sometimes it takes more than that, especially for someone who is so used to (and comfortable) with going 100 miles her hour 24/7. Today I took some time to go to the beach by myself and just do a little tanning and reading. At first I was very irritable, I had trouble sitting still and kept getting up or checking my phone, but after a while I found relaxation with the ocean waves and my book. Slowing down is really hard, but it is crucial to your mental and physical health. Let the thoughts go, give your body a break, and just take a step back from your hectic life every once in a while. It shouldn't have to get to the point where I got, where I was drained and exhausted and had no other choice but to slow down, it should be a conscious every day thing. Have a cup of coffee, go to bed early, take a yoga glass, read a book, do something good for your soul. A major part of slowing down is not being afraid to say no. I legitimately cannot say no for my life, and it's a huge problem for me. I always feel like I have to say yes to whatever plans or commitments come my way, and therefore I end up being burnt out. In order to slow down you have to decide when to say no to certain things. Your friends are going out, but you are SUPER tired? Just say "you know what, I'm going to get some sleep, have fun!" It's not the end of the world if you miss out on a few things, it will benefit your health and life in the long run. You don't have to be everywhere and do everything for everyone else in your life, just focus on doing you. Look at your life. Make changes and allow yourself to slow down and enjoy your life without feeling drained and exhausted all the time. Do the things you love to do and with the people you love, but make sure you leave time for yourself too. I am a fast paced person, that is just how I am, but there is definitely a happy medium. Finding the balance is key in life, and it is possible. Does this mean I have to totally shift my life? No, it just means that I have to be aware when I am over extending myself and slow it down a bit. Your health and happiness is your number one priority, so be sure to take care of yourself and put yourself first. Don't be afraid to slow down, I think you'll be surprised by how wonderful it feels. Have you been feeling drained lately? What helps you slow down? Love Always, Olivia Jane Well friends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but chivalry is officially dead. We live in a world of hooking up and sexting, where real dating is practically non existent anymore. No longer do guys nervously stand by a girls locker, hands sweating, just waiting to ask her out. Instead we rely on texts and social media to do the dirty work. I grew up watching movies such as The Notebook, where Noah wrote Allie 365 letters....and I can't even get a guy to answer my text?! Seriously....what happened to dating? I think people have become scared of the title of dating. Every day I hear my friends say "oh we just have a thing" or "we just hook up" or "we are friends with benefits." And I can't help wonder why it is so easy for people to have sex, yet shy away from the idea of dating someone. You never hear people talking about how many people they have had relationships, but rather how many people they have slept with. The whole friends with benefits phenomenon has taken over, people are too scared of commitment but they still want sex out of it. Sex is supposed to be something reserved for the person you love and are in a relationship with, but today it is far from that. Everyone wants love like in the movies, but no one is actually willing to put in the work to get it. Dating involves trust and taking risks, and that's something that is definitely lacking today. Also, another issue is no one wants to be exclusive and date one person, when they could just sleep around. People have become so scared of commitment so they shy away. I don't know about you, but I wish the concept of dating could go back in time because the way it has developed is pathetic. Social media has also crushed the art of dating. Why would people go out and meet someone and go on dates when there are apps like Tinder? People hide behind their phones and computers and try to find someone on social media. I mean how superficial can we get? Swiping "yes" and "no" on someone based on their appearance, not even knowing their favorite song or what they are passionate about; this is what dating has become. It's easier to sit on your phone rather than putting yourself out there, but when has love ever been easy? Rejection has become such a huge fear that it stops people from putting themselves out there. Hell, I know I'm guilty of being scared of being rejected. But if you think about it, I would rather be bold, put myself out there, and get rejected, than to never even try. Dating builds character, and helps you grow and mature and gets you ready for that one person you are meant to be with, but social media has slowed down this process. We need to stop swiping, and start getting out there and meeting people face to face, finding out what makes them tick and what you have in common, that's how relationships are built. Also, somehow being single is promoted toady as the best thing in the whole world. I mean sure, being single can be fun and wild and you can live your life, but there is a certain stigma involved with settling down. We have spent so much time telling people it is okay to be single, that now people just don't want to be in relationships because being single looks like so much fun. A lot of people have the mindset that if you are dating someone, you are tied down and can no longer have fun, which is ridiculous. If you are dating the right person then having a good time and being yourself and living your life should not be a problem. I feel like a lot of single people are scared to put themselves out there, or feel like they don't need someone else. Well let me tell you, as much as we hate to admit it, we all need someone. Sure being single is fun, but at the end of the day don't you want someone who loves you unconditionally? Be single have fun, but don't run from the idea of dating when it comes around. So as an 18 year old girl in today's society this is how I feel about the whole dating issue. I feel like dating has been replaced by meaningless sex and that chivalry has been crushed with things like sexting and Tinder. I think our generation needs to quit being so scared of dating, we have all seen the movies and heard the songs, who wouldn't want that? Also, it's not "cool" to just have sex with a ton of people, want to know what's cool? It's "cool" to find someone who you love and date them and treat them right, that's pretty fucking cool if you ask me. Let's bring back old fashioned dating and prove that we are capable of love and being in relationships. Take a risk, who knows who you may meet. Don't hide behind your screen anymore, love is out there, all you have to do is look for it. Sighs....where is the love?
Love Always, Olivia Jane If there is one thing I have always struggled with it is definitely letting go. I have a tendency to hold on to everything, the good the bad, it all just takes up space in my heart and mind. I let everything pile up and it only creates a huge mound of negativity in my life. It's easy for people to tell you to just "let it go", however like most things it is so much easier said than done.
I've come to realize there are certain things that you don't need to hold on to. Anything that causes you pain and suffering needs to be let go. What's done is done, and no amount of bitterness and resentment is going to change that. The longer you hold on to the negative things that have happened to you, the longer you are going to be miserable. Shit happens, and bad things happen to good people, but you can't let your struggles in life overcome you. You have a right to be upset when someone hurts you, or when life knocks you down, but in order to be happy and grow from it you have to eventually let it go. It too me a while to realize that I didn't deserve all the negative energy I was holding on to, it was only bringing me down. Our past has a way of haunting us, but there's no point in dwelling in what is over. In order to be present and live your life to the fullest you have to let go of what hurts you. One lesson my English teacher taught me was "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Let go of all the anger and poison, because the only one it is hurting is you. We hurt ourselves so much by holding onto all of this bitterness and we don't even realize it. So now that we've tackled the problem with holding on, the next step is learning to let go. When something is taking up space in your life, you have to think, "is this serving me any good?", and if the answer is no then you must let it go. Let everything go that once made you cry, there's no need to fret over it anymore. People who are only burdening your life, let them and whatever they have to say go, because they are just stealing away your happiness. Whatever happened in the past is over, you survived, there is no need to keep the struggles lingering around. Let go of anything that makes you feel not good enough, let go of your past mistakes, let go of negative thoughts and people, and let go of all the pain you've been feeling. Once you are able to let go it feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Trust me, it feels amazing. I no longer let troublesome thoughts weigh me down, because they don't matter anymore. If anything or anyone tries to get in the way of my happiness, I simply choose to let it go, because there is no place for it in my life. What is holding you back? Now is the time to let go. Start fresh, embrace your life without the burdens of your past. Have you felt weighed down by your problems? Let it all go. Once you master the art of letting go, living life becomes a hell of a lot easier. Love Always, Olivia Jane When I was a kid I used to love those disposable kodak cameras, the ones where you would take 30 pictures or so, and then get the pictures developed at CVS and throw away the camera. Recently I've been feeling a lot like that disposable camera, that people take the best parts of me(the pictures) but throw away the rest(the camera). A human being is not disposable, you cannot simply throw out the parts that are not good or that you do not want, you have to take the person for what they are as a whole, or not at all. After all, to quote Death of a Salesman "a man is not a piece of fruit," you cannot simply peel away parts of a person and only take what you want.
Let's say you are eating an orange, and you peel the orange, throw away the peel, and then eat the orange. Perfectly acceptable when eating fruit, however would you ever consider doing it to a friend? When you think about it in this way, it seems ridiculous, however more often than not I find that people treat other people in this way. Lately I feel as though I am just another disposable thing, why would anyone want all of me? People constantly take and take until they no longer want any more, and leave that person with the worst parts of themselves. They keep taking picture after picture until the camera runs out of film, and then they develop the pictures they want, and toss the useless plastic. That is what is feels like to be disposable. Human beings should not be treated this way, it makes us feel as though we are not worthy or good enough being us, the real us. I am sick of being treated like a empty plastic camera, or a disgusting orange peel, for once I would like to be loved and welcomed, every piece of me. Each person has their good side, their bad side, and a million sides in between, but no side should make them less lovable. Most days I am cheerful and happy, but then there's the girl at 12am with makeup stains on her face from crying, is she any less lovable? I think not, if anything, people's flaws should be accepted and loved even more than their normalities. If you make someone feel bad about their weaknesses, they are just going to hate themselves even more. People need to stop treating others with such neglect, because who the hell wants to feel like a piece of garbage? Not me. And also, what person wants to make another feel as though they are one? It goes back to the age old saying treat others the way you want to be treated. All anyone really wants in this world is to be loved and understood, so instead of making people feel less than, make them feel more than. Stop taking the "good" parts out of people, if you really love them you will take the good, the bad and the ugly, and love all parts just the same. Humans treat humans far too harshly in this world and it is becoming a cruel pattern. And if you are feeling disposable, do not let it be a reflection of you, but the people who are using you in this way. Don't take anything personally, others negative actions have nothing to do with you, it's their story, not yours. And in order for other people to stop treating you like shit, you have to stop treating yourself like shit. Stop thinking that you aren't good enough and treating yourself like a disposable camera or an orange peel, because you are not. You are not disposable, but rather irreplaceable. No one else is you, whoever you are or decide to be, is just right. The people in your life should appreciate the one and only you, not kick you to the curb whenever they feel like it. Surround yourself with people who love every ounce of you, and don't throw you away the second times get hard. Find people that love you even more when you are struggling. If a friend is treating you like crap, then it's time to eliminate them from your life because they are serving you no good. In order for others to love and accept us, the love must first start with ourselves. Set a positive example by loving and accepting every part of yourself, and others will do the same. Stop asking yourself "why am I not good enough?", because you are, some people are just too shitty to realize it. A man is not a piece of fruit, and the sooner we start to realize this, the more we will be able to love ourselves and those around us. Have you ever felt disposable? Love Always, Olivia Jane Chances are in your life time there are going to be people who disagree with you, people who ridicule you and mock you, and only try to tear you down. And a few years ago I was the type of person who allowed others to walk all over me, to take my heart and rip it in half, and to crush all of my hopes and dreams and walk away as I starred at the pieces. Then I realized something, who the fuck cares what they think? Honestly though, you get one life, and this is it, and this is your journey, so why let anyone else dictate how you are going to live it?
In 6th grade I got bullied pretty badly. I didn't want to go to school, my friends were no longer my friends and they made my life a living hell. It was then that I started to feel as though people didn't like me, and all I wanted to do was do everything in my power to make people like me. I did this for years, constantly trying to seek approval from people, altering myself so I would meet someone else's expectations. But recently I've done some soul searching and I realized that sometimes people just aren't going to like you, and if you have to try to make them like you then they are a waste of your time. It's natural to want to be liked, we are humans, we crave affection, however there will be people who will like you for who you are and you will not have to convince them of your worth. I spent so much time trying to convince people I was good enough, when in reality the only person I needed approval from was myself, and that took a long time for me to recognize. People are going to think you're weird, or different, or stupid, or a bitch, and that's totally fine, because other people's opinions of us don't define us. As my idol Tina Fey says, "Do your thing and don't care if they like it." Listen to sad music at 2am, wear that shirt that all your friends think is ugly, read self help books, go for a run, do whatever makes your heart feel full. Live your life unapologetically and refuse to fit in. The moment you stop caring what other people think about you is the moment you set yourself free. There are going to be people that talk shit about you and stab you in the back, and honestly it's probably because they are jealous and bitter. Love yourself enough to engage in who and what makes you happy, and don't give a fuck about what anyone else has to say about it. People are going to think whatever they want about you, but the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. So overcome the judgement and the labels and show the haters that their opinions are irrelevant. Show the world you are doing your thing and you love your life and who you are. I don't know about you, I'm sick of holding back because of the fear of what other people will think about it. So label me, ridicule me, stab me in the back, none of it matters to be anymore. The only opinion I care about is mine, and I'm doing my thing, and I don't give a fuck if you like it. Are you living your life to please yourself or others? When was the last time you did your own thing? Love Always, Olivia Jane |
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