A year ago I was just about to graduate high school. I was excited, hopeful,and ready to move on. I wasn't in the greatest place and I wanted to get out of high school and this town so badly. Looking back now, it all seems like another world. As I watch the class of 2016 about to graduate I almost forgot what it felt like to be in their shoes. A year ago I blogged about new beginnings and all of the "lasts" that were coming up for me and now they are just faint memories but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday. A lot can change in a year, a lot has changed in a year. People always say that change is a good thing, and to be honest I truly haven't decided what I think about that yet. I changed a lot, my life changed drastically, and I don't know if that makes me happy or sad. As I reflect on my high school years each year I would say "wow I never thought I'd be here", and I still find myself saying that. The thing about change is that it happens whether you want it to or not, and when you look back the person you used to be is a stranger.
I never could have imagined as I sat and wrote my first blog post a year ago everything that would happen in the months to come. I went to college, met new people, took interesting classes, joined a sorority, had new adventures, and everything that used to matter suddenly didn't anymore. I've learned that as you get older everything that was important to you or seemed like the end of the world soon won't matter. You find new friends, new interests, you suffer new hardships, but you keep going. I had this idea in my head that after high school my life would stop and begin again with college and that everything was a fresh new start, and while that is true in some aspects, in other ways I was very wrong. Something I wish I knew a year ago was that you can't run away from yourself by moving from one place to another, eventually it's all going to catch up. No matter where you go or what you do, you're still the same person. Our past shapes us whether we want it to or not, and nothing is going to change that. I thought that everything would just magically fix itself, but I learned that nothing just "happens", you have to make it happen. You cannot just sit around and hope for the best, you have to make your life the best.
One year, 365 days, 52 weeks, 8765.81 hours. That's the problem with time, we always think that we will have more of it. But sitting here it's all a blur and I wonder how it all went by so fast. Don't take time for granted, don't wish your time away. People ask me if I miss high school, and my answer is no I don't, but I do wish that I wasn't so eager to get out of there. It's amazing to me how I am already done with my freshman year in college. Life has no pause or rewind button, as much as we wish it did. Life keeps pushing forward whether we want it to or not. We are constantly growing and changing even if sometimes we aren't ready.
I guess what I want to say is that there's still time to be who you want to be and do what you want to do. There's parts of me that changed for the better and definitely parts that changed for the worse, but it's never too late to start over or to fix things. I've grown so much, but have also made some mistakes. There are things that 18 year old me would be insanely proud of, and some things that she would be horribly disappointed in. When I left for college I just expected everything to be perfect and just to magically transform into the person I wanted to be. But I learned that each day you get a step closer and it's okay if you aren't there yet, you're not supposed to be. Don't get frustrated if you aren't exactly where you want to be, be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can. Sometimes you'll take 100 steps forward and then 50 steps back and it is all part of discovering yourself and growing up. You have nothing but time, use it. Spend time with people who love you, stay out late and forget you have class the next day, study for that huge exam even though you don't want to, do something wild, sleep for 12 hours, this is your life and you can do whatever you please.
Thank you to everyone who has followed me on this journey, online or in real life. I know I've been slacking recently and promise to be a better blogger this summer. But whatever your age, wherever you are in life, just know that you have time, and it's okay not to have it all figured out. We think we have so much damn time, and it's scary how fast it all slips away. The past year has been filled with a lot. A lot of great times, a lot of new friends, a lot of hardships, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I've learned a lot about myself and about life and I know that I still have a lot more to learn. But whatever I do learn and wherever I go, I will always be sure to share it. I's funny and bittersweet to look back at old posts and see what I was going through or experiencing, and recalling a memory or seeing how it changed me. So thank you all for reading and I cannot wait to be olivinthelife for many years to come :)